Fertile WHO?

Each day (it seems) I encounter a woman who's fighting an inward battle. A battle that many don't have the courage, will power, or desire to share. A feeling of worthlessness or defeat. As a woman who battled with fertility trouble, I feel for these women. I know how it feels to have to slap on that OVERJOYED smile and play the extremely happy friend when on the inside you're dying....literally. I remember feeling like a little piece of my heart would be ripped out each time someone ELSE was so blessed and I was feeling so...well, not. (I know now and then, I was FAR more blessed than I deserve or was maybe even at times aware of!) God has a funny way of revealing things in my life. Anyway, I wasn't always being fake when I shouted CONGRATULATIONS and hugged and cheered, etc. It was always the walk away from that conversation that stung a little. The devil had a hold on me. My joy, my happiness, and most of all my faith. I entered a women's bible study group knowing full well of my diagnosis and my prognosis of being a mother. However, our first book of choice was about our inner thoughts. A-MA-ZING! I remember having to write "I will have a baby! God is going to bless me!" Although sometimes, I wasn't so sure. The more I read, the more I started to believe that God did have a plan for me, and if he never gave my own baby, he was going to bless me with a baby through someone else...ie adoption OR he'd use me in my profession for those babies that maybe don't get the love of a momma at home. As the bible study came to a close, I felt confident in what I was now telling myself. "God is in control. God is in control. God is in control." I was FINALLY released from bondage of feeling like a complete failure to my husband-(who I knew then would make an AWESOME daddy and he does!) I was focused on loving my man and accepting the hand I was dealt. I began fasting and praying as the bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (Pray without ceasing.) Just because it wasn't happening on my time, I wasn't giving up. If I wanted it, I WOULD pray without ceasing and I'd fast, too. Whatdaya know! After fasting for 40 days, I discovered I was pregnant. God blessed me. I live to say that HE IS IN CONTROL! I don't feel guilty for my blessing, but my heart hurts for my friends who are struggling right now. As I have started to COVER them in prayer, God brought some interesting things to my attention and I feel compelled to share.....Here goes:
**"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise".
Hebrews 10:35-36
**"So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time".
Galatians 6:9
**"For everyone who asks receives."
Matthew 7:8, John 16:24, John 14:13-14
So, to my friends out there, don't quit on God. He hears your prayers!!! I'm praying for you and ALL the babies your heart desires!
"He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD!" Psalms 113:9

And for those of us that have already been so blessed with the sleepless night, tired eyes, fussy babies, and all the other "not so joys" remember:

"Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!"
Psalms 127:3-4

Hustle and Bustle

In this transistioning phase, I have discovered a few truths... I awoke this morning with the urgency to share. It's easy to complain that I spend my days completely overwhelmed meeting the needs of 24 diverse learners with little support. It's easy to complain that after working so hard all day, I come home to be a mommy to a busy little boy who wants 100% of my attention. It's easy to moan and groan that after ALL of that I still have to cook and clean and be a good wife. ;)

But then, on days like today, I am reminded how incredibly blessed I am! Teaching is a life-style- not a job. It is demanding all day and many nights, but I know many women would kill for the position I have. In these tough economics times, there are awesome teachers with no classroom, no students, and no postive outlook for a potential job in the near future. I AM BLESSED! I have a job and it's a good one. I have 24 students who need me, but more than that, they love me. Their momma's tell me so and I am awestruck each time I hear it. These children are a big part of my whole world. 

After getting all 24 on the right bus, right van, right car, etc, I come home to MY baby. How blessed I am to say that! Momma is a job so many women long for and have bleak hope for that. I was told I would never have a baby without medical intervention. I live to tell GOD IS GOOD! He has reigned in my life. GAB is the most precious miracle! So, when I want to complain that I can't take a nice hot bath in peace and quiet, I am reminded of those sleepless nights and the endless tears I cried for this baby. Again I say, I am blessed! As I rock my blessing, who is incredibly adorable and oober friendly ...see.... 

I praise God for entrusting me with this precious little life! Who do I deserve such favor? Why do I get to be the one who is so blessed? PRAISE GOD! I am forever grateful for the blessing!

But before I end, I have to touch on the last of my complaints. Being a wife. I have battled recently with juggling these titles, but again, I am reminded I am married to a man that loves me for me. No matter the stress, the added weight (ugh), the raging hormones, whatever...he still loves me! He values my opinon and respects me as a woman. Most of all, he says he can't wait to grow old with me. He's in forever! He's committed and God-fearing. Again I say, I am blessed! Thank you Lord for all that you are and all that you do.

Your love is SO amazing!